PARENTING YOUR PARENTS
Parents are considered the embodiment of God and as saviours of their children they stand beside them regardless of the situation and provide them with a carefree childhood. As children live in a bubble of love, warmth, comfort and are provided with the basics of a safe home, nutritious food and good education, every child grows up seeing the parent as their superheroes, who are immortal and immune to any sufferings. However, as the child grows and steps into the adulthood, the reality of life knocks at the door and they start realising that their parents are just like other human beings who are equally prone to aging as well as to the sufferings. As age takes its toll the parents, who guided their children with loving hearts and beautiful minds all through their life, suddenly find themselves in a situation where they need someone to hold their hand – literally and metaphorically. This role reversal wherein the children act as caregivers of their own parents is called the parenting of parents.
The parenting of parents has been given the highest place in all religions and even the incarnations of various forms have prioritised the reverence of parents over their Lords. In fact, there is a very unique teaching in our tradition that by serving one’s parents, a person fulfils all his major religious duties. The stories of exemplary characters like Śravaṇa Kumar who used to carry his old blind parents in baskets over his shoulders; Pundalik who made Lord Krishna to wait outside because he was absorbed in massaging his father’s feet; Śankaracharya who Changed the Course of River for his Mother and Lord Ganesha who won the race against his elder brother, have endorsed this fact and have shown that they loved their parents more than the whole world and did not leave them behind. After having spent their best years taking care of their offspring, it is not in the character of parents to impose this caregiving attitude on their children. Rather it should come naturally to children to take care of their ageing parents and the religious impetus should only act as a bonus.
Although parenting of parents is an age old concept and is described as a most pious act, yet we are finding an exponential increase in the number of ageing parents being abandoned one way or the other. A recent example being of a nonagenarian single lady who was forsaken in a deserted rented house and came into limelight only when the video was surfaced on social media. In a current scenario, where society at large is under the influence of westernization, joint families are at the verge of extinction and homes are decided by the job location, the modern day Śravaṇa Kumar’s are busy in their own lives and are finding it difficult to take care of their ageing parents. They forget that the parents, whom they abandon, are actually the solar system and have taken pride in all their achievements despite small or big and now it is their duty to take care of them when they need them the most.
Parenting is not a course of study, it is not skill-training programme, it is not an art and it is not a business but is a natural love and mutual understanding between the two individuals. At the crossroads of life where the three roads namely ageing parents, young children and middle age inevitably converge in the lonely woods, it becomes all the more important to handle this convergence through a healthy dose of optimism. This is possible only when we keep in mind that we need to treat our parents in the same way as we hope to be treated in the future.
As each child behaves differently and needs an individual care approach the parents in their fallible age also become less self-reliant and require personal care. At times the ageing parents may be adamant, harsh or inflexible, but that should not deter the children from taking care of them. They should remember that life is a circle and if their parents have made sacrifices during the prime of their life to fulfil all their wishes, they should not hesitate to return favour and serve them back if life has given them such an opportunity. Rather they should consider themselves fortunate enough to be able to return such favour in their lifetime.
The parenting, be it of child or of parents, involves the same emotions of love, empathy, compassion and responsibility. However, the essence in two are slightly different as parenting of child is more about the support and promotion of physical, emotional, social, financial and intellectual development of a child while parenting of parents is all about caregiving, compassion and respect. All we need to do is to inculcate this habit of caregiving right from childhood and then with the right support and encouragement, “parenting your parents” can be a very rewarding labour of love.
Dr. Pawan Suri
Director & Chief Cardiologist
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